Hi Everyone!
Earth Day seemed the perfect day to post my big news on my blog: Lucas and I are having a baby at the end of this year!!!!! We have a little sprout in the works- and these past few weeks have been one crazy ride!
March 23 was the day it all began.....I thought I was having my period, but nothing happened. It was cause for concern, because I've never missed one my entire life. I wondered if I was sick. Then I realized something completely different could be happening. I had one pregnancy test in the linen closet, and decided to "waste it" and double check to be on the safe side. When I got the results back, it was confusing- two lines mean pregnant, and while two showed up on the test, one was so faint as to be almost invisible. What to do? So I drove to the corner drugstore and bought two more tests, then called my dr. to make a follow-up appointment. I took another test later that evening, and it came back with the same results as the first. That's when I started really going, "hmm...is this possible???" It was more than possible, it was probable.
I wanted to break the news to Lucas in a special way, so when he got home from work I told him that we should take advantage of the lovely weather and go to the park to sit and relax and catch up together. He gave me a look and said, "Are you pregnant?" I gave him a stare back, and re-iterated: "Honey, let's go to the park and enjoy this nice weather and just catch up." He started chuckling and said okay, and shortly after we headed off to Lafrieniere. We parked by the bird sanctuary, late evening, and sat in the car to watch a gentle rain slide down the windows, and the birds strutting around looking for bread and socializing together. We sat and talked about the day, and then I told him I had some good news- then took the pregnancy test out of my purse and handed it over. Then handed the second one over. He said, "I knew it!" and we embraced and laughed and it was quite the moment. Needless to say, in his own quiet and intense way, Mr. Lucas was overjoyed and very very VERY happy!!! The rain drizzled down the car windows, the birds outside called to one another, and everything was dreamy and lovely.
The next day, I woke up and immediately thought "Pregnant???" and took the final test, which came back the same as the other three. What can I say? Pregnancy brain puts you off- I knew in my heart it would be positive again, the third time, but everything was so surreal I had to go through the final test. Then later that morning I went to my dr's appointment, where they drew blood to confirm my pregnancy. They promised to call by lunch since the office closed early on Fridays. When I left, I took five flights of stairs back to the car, where I had time to think on the way down. The stairs looked like an Escher painting, and as I climbed ever downwards, the news hit me: I really AM pregnant! And later, around 1:00 I got the call congratulating us on our baby!!! After I hung up with the nurse, I sat down and bawled my eyes out, completely overwhelmed with emotion. Then I called Lucas, Mom, Angie and a few other close friends and family. Everyone's reaction to the news was uplifting- each and every person I talked to was overjoyed, and it was gratifying and I truly felt the love.
Monday was another big milestone on the journey to motherhood- I got my first ultrasound at the dr's office! It was unexpected- originally before my appt, I was told that they would be able to detect the heartbeat- but I didn't realize they would actually be able to view the baby too! Mom went with me, and held my hand as we watched the photo of the baby appear on the screen. It was surreal and amazing! The tech called it "doodlebug" and I call it "my sprout". Then they charted the heartbeat, which to me was the very best part of all- the sound was like a stream of music: lovely, optimistic, strong, steady and determined. The loveliest song I've ever heard. A miracle.
We brought home photos, which I scanned and made copies of. Its an incredible reminder that yes, the baby is REAL- because for a while I simply couldn't believe it. There's nothing to compare pregnancy to. Its a leap of faith into the absolute unknown, and my emotions have been riding a roller coaster ever since. The first few weeks were so smooth, I didn't even feel different than normal (which really made me doubt the reality of the situation). But now, after being on progesterone meds, and as the days progress, it feels absolutely real. The drawback is that the past two weeks, I've been overwhelmed with nausea, my equilibrium is off, I'm craving all kinds of unhealthy foods, and the exhaustion is immense. Its a lot like having a severe case of the flu, and you just wait and pray for the sick feelings to go away. I spent the past two weeks eating, sleeping for 6-8 hours at a time, and praying for the nausea to subside. I've had to cancel plans with friends and family, and couldn't even make it to the local farmer's market because standing up makes me sick. Ugh!!! Its been difficult- but I count my blessings that I haven't thrown up yet (knock on wood!). I read in the books and heard from friends that the worse you feel, the healthier baby is doing, so I hang on to that when things are really rocky. And Beau, for the most part, has been a good nanny dog- he crashes on the sofa with me, or sleeps on his bed on the floor next to my head, and will pop up every so often to keep an eye and "check" on me. Such a good boy!
I opened up a new website on The Bump, which I will devote to all things baby, since its special and should be kept separate from this Zen blog (although I'm sure baby news will infiltrate on here periodically!). I'll post the link a little later.
So now its Earth Day, and I feel celebratory (if queasy, lol). Once I regain my footing, Lucas and I will go to Lowe's and pick up a few plants and soil, and do some spring planting in the backyard. The weather here has been unexpectedly, miraculously cool and spring-like, which is abnormal for our neck of the woods. Abnormal, and completely welcome. I have found that fresh air and sunshine are good for me and my little passenger- and today I'm going to take advantage of it as much as possible.
Wishing everyone a very happy Earth Day! Celebrate by enjoying the great outdoors, and realize with each and every breath of fresh air, and the warmth of sunlight on your face, and the song of birds in the trees, that life is truly a miracle.
Barefoot & preggers,
007
